random thaughts

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

"I stand at the fork in the road
Left or right, which will lead the right way
To one side the path is open and bright as far as I can see
To the other I see only darkness
Do I take the light, always fearing the darkness?
Do I take the darkness, and hope for it to strengthen me
Others have been here before me
Do I Follow their well marked path and except the same fate as they
I take nether right or left,
But I move straight ahead.
I will walk my own path in life
I will make my own choices
This is my life"

I found out that I am going to be testing for my black belt in December. Damn
I am a little worried now. I was expecting to have another year and a half before i tested. A little different than 3 months. I am going to put my all into as long as I can. This is something I have wanted forever. SO I will make it happen. "Jang Shin Il Do, Ha Sa Bul Song" When mind, body, spirit move in one direction, you can accomplish anything.
This weekend is Karen and my six-year anniversary, SO I am looking forward to spending a nice evening on the phone with her. So I hope that we will get to have a nice talk if she is not busy.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

I trained at a 2 hour sword seminar on Saturday, and I feel great. It is the first time in almost a year that I have put my all into something on the training floor. I have been injured for so long I didn't remember what it was like. Even now I don't have any pain in my shoulder at all. I feel great. I look forward to training so much harder now. So that is one thing in life that is great.

I have realized recently that there very few things in life that I do that make me happy. Tukong is probably the only thing. It is also where my only goals in life sit at the moment. But I have also realized that it will always be in the way of my relationship with Karen. She thinks that I am always kissing ass, and wasting my time. I want her to understand that I have accepted tukong as a way of life. It will always be there. I also don't want to get to the point where I don't have anything but training. I see it happen to other people. I don't want to be in that place. I want to keep it in my life, but I want to keep Karen as well. How do I make a good balance, if she is always trying to cheapen the experience for me? She trains as well, and she is good, probably better than me, but she has not accepted it as a way of life. I just don't know haw to make the two mesh. One of my goals in life has always been to be a black belt, what happens if she finds a job somewhere and has to leave. Will I go with her, and leave the family and way of life I have now taken up. Will she even want me to come with her? Or do I stay her, on my own? I just don know.

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