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random thaughts

Sunday, November 30, 2003

17 days left until my black belt test. I know nothing. I have no self-confidance. I'm tierd. I'm lonely, sad. I cant focus. I think that I am just fucked. I have been waiting for this for my entire life, and mow i just want it to go away. I have so many things on my mind. So much stuff going on, how do i make it all go away so i can just consintrate. I have so many feeling just floating around in me it is starting to get hard to control. Fear, sadness, Joy, Anger, dispaire, anxiety, excitment.What the hell am i going to do. I cant get my life sraightend out how am i going to get through this tes??

You wake up one morning and realize that your life is not your own. You relize everything has been done for someone else. You have always followeed someone. You followed someone to the place you are now, and are going to keep following. Someone has always told you where to go, what to do. You realize this one day and wonder where did you life go. Are you going to continue to follow other people, or are you going to have your own dreams.

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