random thaughts

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I sit here, and i wonder where my real life whent? Did someone come by in the middle of the night, and steal it, and leafe a crapy one in its place? I want to know where it went, and why i cant have it back. Because this one is really bugging the hell out of me.

How do i tell her now, "hey there i have almost killed your favorite pet, and i dont want to be with you anymore"! ?
I realy just dont know what to do wqith my life any more, what do i want, where am i going? I think i really need a change?

Monday, March 22, 2004

I have finally had enough! I have delt with all of the little things for so long, in tukong, but I cant take it any more. At each level we are to know specific things. Great, we learn them. I know them, he knows them, she knows them, we all learn them. What I know is not what he knows, what he knows is different than what she knows. And it totally pisses me off. We are told to listen to what the highest person has taught us, but what seems to happen all the time is that it is taught by them one way, then to another person a little different. And if a higher belt is working with you they are always right. It is just such a load of crap. I don't want to deal with it any more. I have no want to go back. In the 3 years that I have trained there has never been a time that I felt like I wanted to quit, even after failing a test because I had not been taught a form, that they wanted to see. But after tonight, I really don't care if I go back.

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